Hmm, well I'm feeling a bit better now, but I do have an unhealthy obsession with taking a pair of scissors to my knuckles. But Devon made me promise to stop... shit. Well don't I feel like a Class A asshole right now...

I just wish that everyone in my life could be okay so I could stop feeling their pain. Really the problem is not ME, but rather the rest of the world, which is not okay. So that kinda messes with my head. Remember, I'm a naive person. I also believe that there is always something you can do. So if the ball is in your court, don't give up! Even if you think you're going down, go down swinging. And you'll always have people to pick you back up again, even if they were too dumb to catch you as you fell. Wow, that was a long metaphor...

I am almost always hopeful. I try to stay optimistic. Which is SO much easier when there is a plan to fix the problem. There is very little I can do, since I cannot possibly fully understand the situation, so the plan is not up to me.

I think I almost understand my thing with the scissors now... if I create my own pain, then I can feel and take care of that rather than torment myself about other people's pain, which I cannot relieve.

There I go again, trying to make sense of things... I should just accept that I'm not all right and I don't make sense...


The body can heal itself. The mind sometimes needs a little help.

be strong spectra, dont let anyone drag you down.. no one has the answers to every question so dont feel blue.

Thanx. I'll try.

Easier said than done, but no one said life was easy.
(BTW, I'm aware that I'm not specifying the incidents that are causing me this distress.)

I'd like to quote an awesome song:
"If you want me to wait,
I would wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right thru
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy just wondering"

And on that note, i'm here for ya if ya need me!

Just when I thought I could beat this thing... another thing comes up... and it's gonna take me years to conquer...

I might as well tell you what's up... but not yet. I'll wait til I understand more of it myself.

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