Wow... I feel like I've lived in Guelph all my life (and I have, not counting various moves while I was too young to remember) and now I'm moving far far away. It's kind of a shock to the system, but of course it hasn't sunk in yet. I'm an adult now, moving away from home for the first time... wowzer... it feels kinda like going to camp, except I'm bringing a helluva lot more stuff, and of course I'll have classes to attend.

I think I'll have lots of fun, but I'll also have to step up my academic game. After all, this isn't high school anymore, I can't be a slacker forever.

Once it finally hits me that I'll be away from my friends and family, I guess I'll start to miss people. But I haven't even left yet, it's the night before my departure, so I guess it's all right not to miss anyone quite yet. I've already booked my train tickets home for Thanksgiving. I might try to keep you posted via this webjournal, but I'll probably be having too much fun to update ya on EVERYTHING! I'll make an occasional appearance though.

I remember the first time I fell off a horse. I was about 10 or 12, and you can imagine how it shocked and upset me. I'd never had a negative experience around horses before. I was at Kemur camp at the time, riding Chocolat (named after the Johnny Depp movie). He had a very irregular trot and I'd tumbled off. My counsellors told me countless falling stories afterwards, to prove that they'd done worse than I had. One also told me that you have to fall off seven times before you can call yourself a serious rider.

The reason I'm bothering to recount all this is that last Monday I hit seven. While jumping. Don't worry, don't worry, I'm fine. I'm great at falling, I roll and I haven't even gotten a bruise so far! I'm riding at Irish Creek Stables now, and I've reached a level that I'm really proud of. We do lots of jumping. Last Monday we were using the stadium jumps out in the field (they were set up like that for camp). We were jumping three jumps! I ride a dark bay (almost completely black) gelding named BJ. He's a biter, but a great jumper. He'd been doing very well so far, but he half-stopped in front of the first jump one time, then decided against stopping and jumped it. Obviously I was unseated, and came off as he landed. Good thing I didn't come off earlier, or I might have tangled with the jump! I flipped head over heels a few times once I hit the ground, and came to a stop on my head with my body flipped up over top like I was halfway through a somersault. Not comfortable. I got up pretty quickly so everyone knew I was okay. I didn't want them to think I was hurt because then they might not let me go over the jumps again, and I wanted to do it right before the end of the lesson. I got back on BJ, who had been waiting patiently beside me munching grass (OMG now his bit is messy). We went over the three once more, and again my instructor praised my jumping position. I felt kinda bad cuz she kept criticizing the others' hand positions and everything.

This Monday (yesterday) I had another riding lesson, but this time in the rain. I thought it would be lame cuz the arena is pretty small. But there are two lessons at the same time, and the beginners got the arena. So we rode out in the rain. It was actually pretty fun, even though we got soaked! We were trotting and cantering out in the newly-mown field (soon to become a new ring) and we even did some cross-country jumps! It was awesome! We jumped over logs! One log had a hill leading up to it, so that was very different. With the steep grades and tight turns it was hard to go fast, but our instructor says she wants us riding more agressively on cross-country. Maybe she was just referring to the people whose horses refused some of the jumps (two out of four riders) but I wouldn't mind getting some more speed out of BJ. That would be so much fun! I can't wait for next Monday!

Anyhow, that's the update for now! Laters!

Yep. It's me again. You thought I'd forgotten about this little thing, didn't ya? Well i didn't! I just didn't care. Lol. I've failed miserably in keeping this thing up to date, but those who bother to drop me a line once in a while know most of what's been going on in my life so far. But really not many people call me, so I get desperate and pick up the evil phone myself. Now now, let's not wallow in self-pity, you know you've been busy. Yes self, I suppose I am not terribly easy to book.

Well then, the reason for this sudden return to my sorely neglected blog is this: I am really really happy right now and I've noticed that most of the stuff on here is not too happy because when i'm happy I don't need to vent. I'm feeling rather chatty right now, so I think I'll make some lists to show how great things are gonna be.

 

Stuff to do before the summer is over:

- go to Canada's Wonderland with my friends

- go to Canada's Wonderland with Devon (this may have to be a separate trip since most of my friends are single and probably want me all to themselves. lol.)

- go to Ribfest (I'll meet you there!)

- go to the CNE (aka the Ex)

- go to the beach with Devon and some other people but I don't know who (wanna come?)

 

Stuff to do eventually (but not to be put off indefinitely!):

- sell majority of model horse collection (I need $$$! see next point for reason)

- scout out riding stables and start up lessons again! (it's been over a year since I last had a horseback riding lesson... pretty sad... but I'm super happy cuz now I can afford to ride every other week cuz I can pay for it with my job!!!)

 

Stuff to buy eventually:

- a bag (I can't seem to find the right one)

- a funky belt

- half-chaps for riding

-more accessories cuz I luff them!

 

Okies, well that's the update for now... I'm glad I wrote that stuff down cuz otherwise I'm afraid of forgetting something.

If you wanna talk, please call me! Please! I never know when you peeps are around!

Anywho, I leave you with this pic from my vacation in Tiny Beaches (near Wasaga).

Remember... STAB the marshmallow into the Bailey's and it will taste better!

Arrivederci!

Yayness! I just got a job at Zellers! Now I'll have money to shop and pay for my Driver's Ed (which is June 27th - 30th I think). Oh, and I get my braces off this week (yes, it's been three years) and I start work on Thursday. And my birthday is the 23rd. Whoa, it's gonna be quite a week!

Anyhow, this'll be a short post since I'm heading to the gym. Soccer season is getting into the swing, it seems like it'll be a good year.

Well I'll get going now... it'll probably be a while before I post again.

Yeah, balance. That what I hafta strive for right now. That means having fun  and still acing my courses. Contrary to what I'm used to, that's gonna take some work.  Biology and Math(Functions) don't seem to come to me as easily as Chemistry did... and as English is currently doing. But still, why get 80s in English when I can get 90s?  Lol. Yeah well I'm gonna need it to pull up my crappy Math mark. I don't even wanna know what it is. *sigh*

Ah well, I can crack down and study a bit each night without overwhelming myself. And once my parents trust me to balance my life properly again between school, friends, family, leisure and Devon, then they'll gradually give me my freedom back, with more to boot. They'll let me take the car out a lot too, provided that I sort out my academics.

Sure, balancing one's life may SEEM like an easy and reasonable task, but it's hard when I'd much rather allot more time to hanging out with my friends or being with Devon than studying and homework. Gah.  It's not easy, but I can see the reason. I'm gonna need at least an 85% average to get a scholarship. Last semester my average was 88%, but that's cuz I had most of my electives then. Now that I have my crappy/ugly semester, I'm gonna hafta work at it. Which is gonna be tought cuz I'm used to slacking all 1st semester.

But I'll survive. I've got very understanding, totally awesome  friends and a very caring, thoughtful boyfriend. And parents that, even though they make me sooo mad sometimes, are really just trying to help me see what I've been turning a blind eye to. I respect them, especially since they risk me hating them just to keep me on the path to a happy, successful life. What more could a girl want? An A in Math perhaps. But I'll be realistic. I'm happy with what I have, I just have to keep an eye on how I spend my time.

Smile!

Yeah, it still hurts. But life goes on. On Thursday I was really hostile, I lashed out at Devon like a wounded animal. I was being such a bitch. Turns out my words really hurt him. So I hopped on the bus and went to his house to repent. He forgives me, but I still feel bad. I guess I just had a bad week or two. The past week was probably my worst to date, I was cutting myself and crying myself to sleep and falling apart even at school...  plus I distance those I need most... During the tough times of my week I would write in this little notebook that I carry around... And it became the following poem:

I'm going nowhere
It's just another bad day
Everyone asking questions
But I just say I'm okay.

And I can't stand this place
Though I once stood here proud
Now the words in my head
Don't match the ones I say out loud.

I say I'm all right
But you know it's a lie
Once I'm alone I'll just
Break down and cry.

And I can't say what's wrong
So I'll say that I'm fine
And the questions will stop
But the hurt stays behind.

But when you're around
It's like morphine in my veins
Quelling my anxieties
And numbing all my pains.

Then my heart is lighter
And I can crack an honest smile
And the day seems so much brighter
'Cause I was with you for a while.

That's why I can't give up
Or succumb to my fears
When I know you'll always be there
To help me dry my tears.

But don't ask me not to cry
That is beyond my control
I'm not thinking straight
I'm hurting and my mind isn't whole.

I think I'm going crazy
I'm not all right in the mind
I press the scissors against my hand
Just to leave the stress behind.

And I know that I've wronged you
I see the hurt in your eye
And I feel that I've been heartless
I want to stop, I know I'll try.

I say I know it won't be easy
But we can't give up the fight
Someday things will get better
And someday you'll see I'm right.

And yet I seldom see the truth
When my mind is in distress
And reason still eludes me
I'll continue nonetheless.

Then my world turns upside down
Was your forever ever real?
And I slice my hand again
To be sure that I still feel.

My words are unforgiving
'Til you say you see my pain
But my words hurt you, I've been so cruel
I'll never cut again.

I know that you forgive me
And the pain will go away
I just wish I could erase
Those awful things I had to say.

I love you more than you can know
You feel the same, and that's enough
I owe it to you now
To laugh and smile when things are tough.


You can kinda tell where my ups and downs were during the writing process... Some downs were general, then there's the bigger blow(s).

Yeah, so I've got it sorted out in my mind that after saying hurtful things like I did, I now owe it to him to try to be happy. I will try my hardest not to let life get me down. This week will be a better one. I'm working on it.

Yeah, um, an explanation. Well... apart from the fact that my mum is really ill, as if that wasn't enough, other things aren't right as well...

Things are so much easier to handle when you have a plan. The doctors have a plan, so I don't worry too much about my mum anymore. That she gets a new set of side-effects (fever, sore joints, rash) each week is not the point.

Yeah, uh, I was going to explain the other big problem, but I guess I don't really understand how to put it. And I can't help but feel that no matter how I word it it's going to sound like I was stupid to get myself in such a situation and that if I had any sense I wouldn't take this kind of crap, but... fuck that, I AM stupid. And I'm gonna stay that way.

Fine, I'll tell. Devon's love is divided. Yes, there is another. But they're "just friends and it's gonna stay that way" and "she wouldn't dream of splitting us up". Yeah, well... like I wasn't enough? Was it so naive of me to assume I was the only one he loved? Now every time he says I'm beautiful I can't help but think... "well so is she".... and she wants to be friends with me? How can he ask me to be friends with her? Can't he see that it's hard enough just having her around all the time? THIS IS NOT NORMAL! Gawd, if it were anyone else I would say "I don't have to take this kinda shit from anyone" but it's Devon and I love him... 

Why do I feel like it's my fault, like I'm not enough? Maybe if I was a more interesting person then he wouldn't have looked elsewhere...

I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm angry, but I cry too much to look strong...  I've given up on acting like everything's okay, and now lots of people are showing concern. That's nice, even though it changes nothing. I can't tell them what's REALLY wrong because... they'll give me advice that I just can't take... I just can't...

Hmm, well I'm feeling a bit better now, but I do have an unhealthy obsession with taking a pair of scissors to my knuckles. But Devon made me promise to stop... shit. Well don't I feel like a Class A asshole right now...

I just wish that everyone in my life could be okay so I could stop feeling their pain. Really the problem is not ME, but rather the rest of the world, which is not okay. So that kinda messes with my head. Remember, I'm a naive person. I also believe that there is always something you can do. So if the ball is in your court, don't give up! Even if you think you're going down, go down swinging. And you'll always have people to pick you back up again, even if they were too dumb to catch you as you fell. Wow, that was a long metaphor...

I am almost always hopeful. I try to stay optimistic. Which is SO much easier when there is a plan to fix the problem. There is very little I can do, since I cannot possibly fully understand the situation, so the plan is not up to me.

I think I almost understand my thing with the scissors now... if I create my own pain, then I can feel and take care of that rather than torment myself about other people's pain, which I cannot relieve.

There I go again, trying to make sense of things... I should just accept that I'm not all right and I don't make sense...


The body can heal itself. The mind sometimes needs a little help.

Yes, I got an african drum for Christmas! This will help out in the bands I'm in!
This is what a djembe is, for those who don't know. Mine is more colourful than that. The rim isn't as prominent as I'd hoped, but I'm learning to change the way I hit it near the rim so I can still get a different sound. *happy dance*

Y'know, e-mail surveys... the good ones, the ones that make you feel like you've actually exposed part of yourself... they can be so depressing! I just filled out a few, and the first left me feeling kinda depressed. The second... I was answering everything darkly, then I cheered up near the end. Wow, my friends must think I'm a very angry person.

Hmm, I'm getting sick of being online right now, so I'll go read or call someone or SOMETHING! Gah!

Yeah, yeah, crappy weirdo title, I know.

Well, I just wanted to bare my musings to y'all (omfg I've never used that word before. y'all. that's so REDNECK)...

You think you have trouble understanding me? Think of the trouble I have understanding me! But there are some things I've figured out, and here they are:

-I do not actually believe that I am fat, even when I say so. I just like hearing people say I'm not. I'm pudgy, yes, but nothing more. Though I am still very sensitive about my weight I shudder to think of what I was before... (yes, if you must know, I WAS 165 lbs. That is so frickin sad and disgusting. No wonder I was depressed!)

-I do not actually hear voices. I just invented them and they kinda took off.

-I am aware that Lathius is not real. He is a character, a figment of my overactive imagination fabricated while I brainwashed myself into thinking that no one was worthy of my veined beating organ. Tho I guess I've found someone worthy of said heart... lol

-I know that I quote inside jokes to people who don't get them. Big deal, it's still funny to me!

-I know I would be terrifying if I were to be drunk or high. Hyper gets scary enough.

-I forgot that I was gifted and it was better that way. Just let me be normal and I'll approach things my own way and somehow get to a similar conclusion. I just take a different angle.

-Different is better even if it's harder (which it is, tho I am probably contradicting my previous point).

-I am actually really bad at playing the flute. I just play by ear off of the better flute players. Seriously. Now Pirates of the Caribbean, on the other hand, I knew that tune WAAAAAY before the others cuz I was already obsessed with the soundtrack. lol.

-Actually, screw that, I have to be pretty good to keep up with the big guns this long. I think I'll take Music next year too, and hope I'm with Jacki and/or Andrea. Preferably Jacki, cuz I  hate Andrea for being better than me at almost anything. All I have on her is my writing.

-I know other people can write too. But when the stars are aligned I can churn out a witty piece and win money. Hardly anyone else enters stuff, so more $$$ for me!

-I am a chronic worrier. I will always find something to worry about, be it my dog destroying the blinds, other people's problems or just that even my friends don't really understand me that well. Tho there are some times that they know me better than I do...

-I am a slave to the clock. I am time's b*tch.

-I love and hate myself, just as I love and hate the Ring...


And I can't think of anything else retarded to say, so I'll just sign off now.

P.S. Aren't these awesome? I found them at Mint Tea.



I'm no fan of anime, but these are neat.

Ugh. Just in case any of my regular readers are wondering, all is going well. Or at least, it is at my end. But I have this awful habit of listening to people's problems and wanting/trying to help. Yeah, that SOUNDS all fine n dandy, but I am absolutely powerless, yet I feel their pain and there is nothing I can do. Yes, I'm being vague. So sue me. Fuck you all!

 Dammit! I could just... hit something. But that would hurt. I think I'm gonna cut back on eating again. Yeah yeah, it's my stupid way of punishing the world by punishing myself. There are worse self-destructive habits to have. Like attacking my nails and face... wait, I do that too... oh well, at least I don't do anything permanent or harmful to others. Dammit why do I have to be so... ARGH!

I love him and I need him but I really don't know how to deal with his family situation. Don't ask cuz I don't know enough to explain. I can't explain. I never can. Why is it that I never find the words to say, I never have the explanation, the answer to the inevitable "why"?

I AM SO FUCKING POWERLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i can't see the end because it doesn't depend on me. it doesn't involve me and all i can do is be here and rant and... fucking hell now i'm crying.

I'll just end this rant before I break something. My keyboard is getting quite a hammering.


Don't worry about me. Let me do all the worrying. I always do. Yall just ignore my strange mood.

All right, so the guy I'm crazy about who is also crazy about me is now my boyfriend! Yes, he ended it with his girlfriend (who wasn't too upset, and wouldn't be from what I heard from one of my friends) so he could be with me.

So today was totally awesome. He's so sweet. He walked me to class after lunch, and to the bus after school. Both times I got a goodbye kiss! His friends think he's a pig cuz one day he's dating Irina and the next day he's with me, but he's going to explain the complicated situation to them.

Okay, maybe I'll babble about something other than him... How about Music class (okay, so he's in my music class, but aside from that)... The two best flutists (I can't bear to say flautist, that is just a demented word) asked me to be in their ensemble for this class assignment we're doing. There are 5 flutists in our class, and I'm the middle one, in three ways (I sit in the middle, I'm the best of the worst and the worst of the best, and I'm allowed to play the first or second part when we divisi [the two "less talented" ones are stuck on second and the best play first. so if the second part is not coming thru on account of incompetence, guess who comes to the rescue!]). I said yes, though I warned them about how bad my sightreading is. I had forgotten how quickly I learn by ear. So after hearing the weird version of the Water Music Hornpipe that we have to play, I actually caught on quite well. Though our uneven number makes me the "swing vote" again, we decided to have two on the second part and one on first. So it's a solo with accompaniment, not a duet with a retarded follower.

OMG he likes me! But he still had a girlfriend... not sure how long that will last from what my friend told me . But I wouldn't wish ill of her, I just get annoyed that she still has him but doesn't appreciate him...

So today was really weird, since acting "normal" is hard when your whole world has been turned right side up... He visited us yesterday at lunch, but I thought that was only cuz his girlfriend was eating lunch with us. But now today he came again but without his girlfriend. Some part of me still says I don't stand a chance, since I know nothing of relationships and can never act natural around people, but another part reminds me that I've changed a lot since my exchange, and now... well, isn't this proof? What happened to miss independent?

Miss Independent, Miss Self-Sufficient
Miss Keep-Your-Distance
Miss Unafraid, Miss Out-of-My-Way
Miss Don't-Let-a-Man-Interfere (no)
Miss On-Her-Own, Miss Almost-Grown
Miss Never-Let-a-Man-Help-Her-Off-Her-Throne

So by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little Miss Apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

(Chorus 
What is this feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open the door
Surprise--it's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independence?
No longer need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true

Miss Guarded-Heart, Miss Play-it-Smart
Miss If-You-Want-to-Use-That-Line-You-Better-Not-Start (no)
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love

So by changing her misconceptions
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fell in love

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge 
When Miss Independence walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to Miss No-Longer-Afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I fin'lly see

(Repeat chorus)

I swear, even though I'm no huge fan of that song, I understand the lyrics. I didn't need anybody and now... things have changed.

And the title wasn't sarcastic. For once, my life seems to be all right. More than all right. I like this guy... and it sorta just lights up my life. He's in two of my classes and well... no need to be secretive, he kinda knows I like him anyway. But he has a girlfriend. *sigh* The worst part is that I know her. I was almost friends with her in grade 9. UGH! But she thinks he's a crazy creepy stalker, so maybe she'll break up with him. I don't think she knows how.

I would go into greater detail about the fun we have in class, but what if he reads this? I don't want him to see me go gaga over him! Or do I? What I want him to know it that his girlfriend thinks he's a creepy stalker and  just doesn't know how to break up with him.

He says he's depressed but we always have such a laugh it's hard to believe. Plus I always get happy/hyper when I'm around him. Actually, I've been really happy for a long time now. Maybe my dark times are over...


In music class today, we were just practicing individually for our playing tests (which are sooooooooo easy you don't need to practice them) and he came up behind me and poked my sides (he's shocked that I'm not normally flinchy) and I jumped and squeaked. Squealed, more like.  It was soooo funny. But after a couple random joking threats, I had nothing to say. Nothing. I know some people say they can't talk to their crush, but I can. I just have nothing to say to him. I could just stand there and stare at him, except that would look weird.

About a week or two ago, I said I was cold and he let me wear his sweatshirt! How sweet! I relive that whenever life tries to get me down

Maybe I should do this gradually, cuz I know when there's too much to read I never read any of it...

Here goes! (btw the "Anne" mentioned is my french exchange partner)... and this comic is TOTALLY not mine, I found it on Toothpaste For Dinner

Oh, and do any of my e-mail pals have the e-mails I sent them from France? Cuz it's not easy sorting through the replies and attempting to format it right... thanx, u guys r lifesavers!

Here is a big group message to get everyone up to date... 
everyone, that is, provided I spelled your e-mail address right...

So... I'm a lot more rested now that I've had some sleep 
(didn't get any on the plane, but I did talk for 3 hours 
straight with the guy beside me... excitement must make me 
unshutuppable). Saw Paris yesterday (Eiffel Tower a lot 
bigger than I expected) but I was a bit zombie-like as the 
day wore on, and I slept for a half hour on 
the boat tour of the Seine. I was eating a baguette under the 
Eiffel Tower... how very french!

Typing is hard and slow cuz french keyboards aren't QWERTY. But 
I'm learning. They have unlimited internet, so I'll learn fast.

We went shopping today and I bought Becky's gift: a t-shirt, belt and
bracelet. I also bought myself a necklace and a bracelet "à la mode".
I would have bought a shirt for me too, but it's so hard to find 
stuff with french writing. Imagine all those french people wearing 
shirts with english words they can't understand on them! Anne says she
knows a good store with shirts that have french writing on them.

I've been speaking french the whole time with Anne, except when
she's curious about what the word is in English. Yesterday I didn't 
speak much french cuz I was talking with Daniel, who speaks 6 languages
(not including gibberish). I don't have much trouble with people speaking
fast in french, but mostly that they aren't speaking very loud. 
On this keyboard, the a and q keys are switched, the m and , keys are 
switched, and the w and z are too. Well, if it works for them...

Anyway, time for more french food... gotta run!
Bisous

Yup, here I am in France! A canadian with a british passport in France.... damn I am weird!

Anne doesn't ride horses, but we went for a trail ride (wahoo! totally didn't expect to be riding in France!) and we got to canter and gallop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So... but that was a while ago, and really I don't intend to recap my whole trip so far unless people actually read this (so make a comment if you read this journal and let me know if you want more posts!)...

I'm gonna be in La Manche for a week, so I'll be in internet withdrawal... *cringes*

hmm... bravenet has changed since I last updated my website (speaking of such, I added a Today in History and a Horoscope, so stop by, eh?)...

I am confused.

The image beside my WebJournal title was supposed to be this

 but apparently it's not working and tho I found a way to get it back up there the little box with the X isn't going away.... so I'll figure that out some other time... unless you'll help me of course.

Oh well, I'll add more later if I get some comments. All you tag board people should get more involved really or it's just not worth the effort... and you can see how long this journal lay neglected LAST time I decided no one read it...

Bye everyone! I fly out to France tomorrow, so I'll be visiting Paris and seeing all the sights... still can't believe it's happening. I hope I get along with my exchange partner. I hope my french isn't too bad. I hope I can refrain from making mom jokes...

Anyway, I won't be doing any riding over there as far as I know... but I can try to take Anne for a trail ride while she's over here. I don't know if she's ever ridden before. Probably not.

 

So... I have the mindset of an elite plyer on Horseland now... I think. I train train train my horses to over 20k points, and I have about 4 mill on my main account. I am so addicted. I hope I can still play while I'm in France. I won't train quite  so much over there, cuz internet is a helluva lot more expensive there, as is telephoning people (they just don't chat!) and running hot water (aww, no half hour showers?).

 

 

Anywho, the story lies neglected again, tho the writer's block is somewhat breached. I'm currently butchering a school story to try and win the Grand River Life contest again.

 

ttfn and wish me luck!

Spectra.

So sorry I haven't been here lately. I just got sidetracked, as I may have mentioned, with life and on www.horseland.com . But, like other things, even it is seeming to get a bit boring right now. So here I am, giving this update to no one. And by "no one" I mean no one ever reads this so who cares if I don't show up and make a post.

Did I mention that we're jumping in my riding class now? I'm so happy. Hopefully I'll be able to go in shows and stuff soon. Too bad we don't jump very high at Golden Woods, but they are a Hunter stable. Which means you hafta look good and be in control and have good style rather than just jump big jumps fast.



Oh, and the band I'm in actually has a gig. Problem: our band name has been taken by someone else and we can't really play any songs yet. Oh well, gotta go practice now. ttyl!

P.S. Anyone on horseland, my main account is #2078748. Stop by and say hi.

Well, this isn't as long as I usually make my posts, but does it really matter? Please reply if you actually read this.

Thanks to all who noticed that I existed and I left. I may or may not be back.
Spectra.

Right, this post is gonna be a 2-in-1, to cover for the lesson on Tango and the lesson on Bear. For attention span's sake, it will be short and sweet.

Tango lesson:
Tango is young for a Goldenwoods horse.   She's a chestnut with a sensitive mouth, and likes long reins. That was a challenge in itself. She also doesn't like to be given a lot of leg for long periods of time. Good thing that once she gets started, she keeps going. I didn't need much leg with her.

Bear lesson:
Bear is dumber than a tree.   Or maybe he's just smart.  He's a buckskin gelding who thinks he's a stallion. He runs up all the mares' rear ends, and tries to herd them round the arena. Except for when he's not behind a mare, then all ressemblances to Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron disappear. I've seen turtles   easier to get speed out of than him! My legs were burning with the effort and many kicks that it took to get him to trot and STAY TROTTING. Plus, I had to stop him from herding the mares. It didn't help that I kept being cut off by Cookie and Calypso. Which meant that as soon as Bear had any speed, I needed to slow him down because I was being cut off. I don't care what the excuses are, deal with your problem and don't create more for me, my horse is giving me enough thank you.

Who do you think you are, Bear?

 

Hey, I'm back (again)! Just like I said I would be (but not as soon as I'd hoped).

My life is good. I'm riding every week (with a break between blocks of lessons since it's expensive) and I hope I'll be jumping again in no time. I rode a Standardbred cross named Sparky in my first lesson (tomorrow's my second lesson). He was great. Except at first. He kept testing me to see what he could get away with. I wasn't sure how the instructor would react to me giving him a big kick, so I tried to be gentle. I soon gave up and relied on big kicks to get him moving. At least I GOT him moving, Val (the instructor) said some people can't even get him off the centreline the first time they ride him. He's such a cutie, though. I loved him after he really picked up. He's fast, really. And his canter is so smooth I actually feel relaxed! This is a big change from Aria, Solo, Kortex and Abby at Travis Hall.

I also think my winter riding boots made me feel weird. They go up 2 my knees! I'm so used to only having my breeches between me and the horse, it feels odd to have an insulated boot in between too!  So I wasn't as sensitive to how hard I really was squeezing the darn horse anyway.

I guess I should shut up about horses now. But I'm so EXCITED!!! Yeah, life is good! (do not mention homework, im in a good mood 4 once) Yay, ponies! I can't wait!!! I like smileys! Ya think? Whee! This is so much fun!
Oh, and did I mention my wins (yep, that's "wins" as in PLURAL!!!!)? I was in the Grand River Life section of the Guelph Mercury and Kitchener Record newspapers for coming first in their short story contest (with story Victory on Two Fronts, which is about polo). AND NOW I'm gonna be in an (Nov/Dec.?) issue of WhatIf? magazine for winning THEIR short story (humour) contest. (with story Grandma's Computer [subject self explanatory]).

   My winnings are thus far: 
shortlisted for Stephen Leacock Memorial Humour short story contest
2nd place W.A.R. short story contest = 25
1st place Grand River Life (was in children's category since I'm not 16, but they bumped me up and I still won) = 200
1st place WhatIf? Humour contest = Stone Rd Mall Gift Certificate for 100

I need to write more stories, since I only have 1 left not due to be published! (Wait for it, The Buccaneer will win someday)

All right, I know I've not been doing anything on this piece of @#$% site, but I'm back to the world of computers now, and I'm glad. I can only watch TV so much with only 6 channels! What to say? Well, I've gotten my report card. It's not as good as I'd hoped, but an 82 average is nothing to cry about. *sniff* lol. My mark in French class dropped approx. 10% for no evident reason and she forgot to acknowledge that I ACTUALLY WAS PARTICIPATING!!! More than SOME people. Urgh! Sometimes that teacher makes me so mad! (hence the overused exclamation points)  Actually I think all my marks went down, but I got an 80% in Gym, like Elle, so I'm happy.

Enough of school, since I'm so glad it's over. Woot!  I went to the Sunrise LIT training, and it was a lot of fun. For those I didn't mention Sunrise to, it's a riding centre for the disabled. My brother's friend's younger brother went there. That place is SO clean. Especially compared to Travis Hall. Their bathrooms are nice too, which is rare at a riding stable.  Their horses are so well trained (and would have to be, to carry people with disabilities. They also have lessons for "independent riders" who don't need sidewalkers or a leader. I want to ride there, but they don't have lessons in the summer cuz of the camp. In the fall I think I'll start riding there. Who knows, maybe I'll even regain my touch!

I guess that's enough 4 now... I have to get dressed since Becky's coming over at 1:30 and I'll probably just lose track of time while I'm on here.

Later Daze. (ooh, the pun!)

 

This is Spectra, signing out for today! ttfn *tear* *sniff* I'll miss u!

(not) (I can just e-mail u)

OMG! Did you see those Site Pal Ads all over? The ones that talk to you? Well I got one of them to say "F*ck you, b*tch!". It was so funny! I couldn't stop laughing it sounded so artificial! I also got her to say "Lath is hot. Lathius rocks." those things are so much fun! Wheeeeeeee!

 

Yeah, about Easter. Big letdown. MAJOR disappointment. I wanted more chocolate than THAT! GEEZ! Just one lousy egg? Good thing my aunt brought that chocolate bunny. With the way my life is going (d*mn I hate school) I'm gonna need a lot of chocolate.

 

We didn't even get to hunt around the house 'cuz my mom can't easily walk around and hide stuff. Poo.

 

Leftover fish for lunch. Not bad. It's cold down here. No wonder we hang out in the basement IN THE SUMMER! Finally get onto big computer and find that I do not have as many e-mails as I feared. So now what?  What is the meaning of life? Am I condemned to spend the rest of the holiday dreading the return to the torture house called school? Don't get me wrong, Ross is the best high school  ever  and the coolest school I've been to yet, but that doesn't change the fact that we still have to do work and my second semester sucks.

 

I can't wait 'till next Saturday. I might get to go horseback riding again. Nothing's written in stone though. Ha ha! My parents are gonna have to start looking for presents to give to me since my B-Day is coming up eventually and my bro's is over! May 23rd, you can't come soon enough. Oh, and in May I get to go to the Cader Valley Ranch open house! I'm sure I'll love it, even if they said the cabin-thingies were a bit "rustic".

Speaking of birthdays, my bro got the COOLEST CD walkman ever! It plays MP3s and has a remote and rechargable batteries and looks really cool. It makes my walkman look like a cassette player. He gets to burn all these songs onto his new colourful CD-RW s and I feel so dumb and left behind and... I'm working like a slave since my mom can't lift stuff. Not even laundry.

 

Life is poo.

Well, as the title suggests, I had a day with Becky. We had fun. Duh.

We went to the park while kicking a soccer ball on a rope. The people on the street hadn't ever seen one before so they kinda looked at us funny. I didn't mind, I'm used to it. We played soccer in the park until noon-ish then decided we wanted some lunch.  Mmmm, pizza. We hung out and made cookies (peanut butter and chocolate chunk!)   until my aunt came over. Then my energetic young cousin who looks up to me (how cool is that?) got in. Natalie sees me 'n Becky in the kitchen all in control of stuff and havin' fun without her and becomes increasingly jealous.  Geez, am I not allowed to have friends my own age anymore or something? She drags me upstairs as soon as we're done with the cookies.  We sit around awkwardly and check out my stuff. I like my stuff, it's interesting. Natalie sure thinks so. I have horsey stuff all over my room, so she likes it a lot.  She also decided that she doesn't like Becky. Maybe because she wants to play with my model horses  and Becky... didn't seem too eager.  So Becky keeps going through my stuff while Natalie plays with my precious little plastic horsies  and keeps ordering Becky to stay in the corner and tune her out.  I think I may have tried to ease the situation, but I can't remember. I really don't work well with people like thatm even if she was only nine.  I'm really sorry that Becky had to be treated that way, and I wish I'd done something about it.

 

Afterwards we did a puzzle and had dinner. I hope Becky forgives me...

Hey peeps! I just finished making stir-fry chicken tacos, and I'm pooped! There's only so much work one kid can do while her brother lazes around doing nothing! (Okay, so maybe he grated the cheese...)  Oh, and I just ate it, and it was really good. Mmmmmm, chicken. And lettuce and ranch and cheese. And salsa if you please.                     

 

Well, what's up in the world? I have now found a horsey who neither bites other horseys nor is really lazy. She's great, and responsive too! Her name is Abby, and she's a really soft chestnut mare. If you've been on the forum lately, you'll have noticed my little Abby spaz I had earlier. Only thing I had to worry about was her really high withers *shudder*. Last horse I rode with high withers was Peepers, and he was a maniac. I had to put a teacosy-lookin' thing over his withers, it was so funny! Anyhow, back to my darling Abby. I had to make sure I used a saddle with a high pommel so as not to hurt her back. I also had to keep checking that there was adequate space between the stripey saddle pad (which @ Travis Hall we put on the bottom, under the fuzzy saddle pad) and her withers so as not to cut off the circulation (horses have really poor circulation there, and their spine is only an eighth of an inch from the skin on top).

 

Well, we (I mean I) found my adorable Mikey's black Kong. For those who didn't know, it was missing for a while and all we could find was his red one. Black is cooler.  Anyhow, so I was rooting around in his bin of munchies and toys and stuff, and WAAAAAAAAY down at the bottom , I found it. Funny, I was looking for his red cord with which I wanted to clip him to the tree outside rather than let him sleep all day.

 

More later..... I hope!

This is Stephanie Dodge, grade 9 genius, signing off for today.

It's not easy bein' me...

Hey, whazzup readerz!

*ahem*

Yeah, so I know I haven't been writing in my Web Journal much, but it's ever so slightly more complicated than it looks.  I have to go through ALL the trouble of logging on to my Bravenet account. For those who've seen the new features (GuestMap and Vote Caster!) you might understand a tiny fraction more. D*mn I hate fractions! I'm not terribly fond of Math in general.

So school and March Break have kept me busy... I went to BC for March Break and had a blast! They have wicked mountains, pretty waterfalls, and ridiculous real estate prices (in Vancouver at least). Victoria is cool too. Unfortunately, it's on Vancouver Island (on which Vancouver is not) so anytime they wanna visit the mainland they hafta take a ferry, and boy can that get annoying! The ferries have awesome, yummilicious buffets, though. Mmmm, waffles with strawberries and Cool Whip and maple syrup.... bliss.

Well.... still got that good old Writer's Block, but I'm a tiny bit farther along. I just haven't planned the entire roadmap of this part yet. Not that you care, but I do. 

Grrr, last Saturday Solo doomed herself to be no longer used as a lesson horse. I was riding Sadie when she pulled something in her leg    (she's pretty old) and I had to pick another horse to ride. It was raining, so I was supposed to grab a horse nearby, Solo or Aria. Knowing my friends and fellow riding bud Becky had been bitten by Aria, I chose Solo. I think Becky would have been better off overall if I'd chosen Aria. No one told me Solo hadn't been ridden in a month (which is really hard on a horse, and it only made Solo more irritable and hyper than usual). She bucked and bucked and bucked. I was pretty freaked out, but that feeling vanished as soon as I realized I'd actually stayed on. So we cantered madly around  for a while, then we started to do trotting poles. At first my main problem was her dodging out the second set of (three) poles. Then it got worse. She decided to canter in between sets and (knowing that you cannot canter trotting poles, they're too close together) she figured she's jump them. It actually wasn't that bad. I hope jumping's really that easy (except I'd like to have a say in whether or not we jump poles LYING ON THE GROUND!).

Well, that's my adventures so far, though maybe later I'll go into more detail about March Break (about which my evil French teacher made me write a paragraph).

[note to self: goal of month= create and insert quote rotater... does Bravenet have that? if not, Angelfire it]